RESOURCES

At the core of the aggressive communication style is the desire to get what you want at any cost. This could mean the cost of others, and the cost of our personal relationships. 

When we have a passive communication style, we have been conditioned to believe that it is best to keep what we think, feel and need to ourselves. This drive is motivated by a strong fear of rejection and abandonment. 

Blaming is the single most dangerous thinking trap for our personal relationships, as it blocks us from seeing the problem: ourselves!

Do you have difficulty receiving positive feedback?

Time and time again, I’ll meet powerful and successful individuals, and from the outside, they look confident, approachable and overall, like they “got their shit together”. 

Yet within a few minutes “The Minimizer” shows up.

In theory, I am completely fine with the idea that I am far from perfect. It is an impossible expectation to have for myself and others. And yet, in moments where I find myself making a mistake, or sometimes worse, worrying that I am going to make a mistake, striving for perfection can become a complete preoccupation.

I often compare that nasty voice that tells us we must keep going, we must keep performing, we must not rest, to a tape much like the old VHS tapes. Our tapes have been recording our negative thoughts throughout our lives and tend to play through our minds so incessantly that we are unaware of the messages they are repeating. 

It can be so easy to jump to the most negative possible outcome for a particular situation. When this happens, there is a good chance that you have fallen into the trap of catastrophizing.

Do you often find yourself in a cycle of complaining, low mood and persistent pessimism? 

You may be trapped by the cognitive distortion of mental filtering!

Do you blame yourself for every mistake?

Sometimes we talk to ourselves in critical ways. We might use a single negative word to describe ourselves. This kind of thinking is unhelpful and unfair. We are too complex to be summed up in a single word!

Our brains are truly wonderful things…most of the time. Our brains are wired to make generalizations that allow us to have a deeper and richer view of the world around us.